The Top 5 Things a Woman Really Wants in Bed

If you’ve ever wondered what women really want in bed, the top 5 things might surprise you. They have far less to do with performance and far more to do with connection, confidence, and how she feels in the moment. When those needs are met, intimacy stops feeling pressured and starts feeling natural, mutual, and deeply satisfying.

1) Feeling desired (not just available)

Women repeatedly report that arousal is deeply connected to feeling wanted—like you’re choosing her, not just hoping she’ll say yes. That means flirting outside the bedroom, eye contact, genuine compliments, and the kind of attention that says, “I’m into you.” Desire is the spark, but being seen is the fuel.

2) Emotional safety and trust

This one is wildly underrated—and it shows up in study after study: comfort, security, and trust make pleasure easier. When she feels emotionally safe, her body can relax, her mind stops multitasking, and she can actually sink into the moment. This isn’t about being “perfect.” It’s about being kind, present, and responsive.

3) Foreplay that starts early (and lasts longer)

Surveys consistently find that many women want more time—more buildup, more teasing, more exploration. Foreplay isn’t a “warm-up act.” It’s often the main event. Think kissing that doesn’t rush, touch that isn’t goal-oriented, and a pace that lets anticipation do what it does best: make everything hotter.

4) Communication (the sexy kind)

Forget awkward TED Talks mid-hookup—women tend to respond well to simple, confident check-ins: “Like this?” “More pressure or less?” “Want me to keep going?” Research also shows that women who can communicate preferences (and feel their partner listens) report higher satisfaction. Translation: curiosity is irresistible.

5) Orgasms—yes, but also intention

Most women want pleasure that feels mutual and unrushed. Orgasms matter, but so does the feeling that their pleasure isn’t an afterthought. The magic ingredient is intention: exploring what works for her (which can change with stress, hormones, or life season), and making room for tools, fingers, mouths, and creativity without ego.

Bottom line: “The top 5” aren’t tricks—they’re experiences: desired, safe, unhurried, heard, and genuinely prioritized.

Coach’s note: If you want one change that improves everything fast, make it this: slow down and ask one simple question—“What would feel amazing right now?” Then listen like her answer is the map.

Trish Stoecker

I’m a 32-year Army veteran turned intimacy and wellness expert, passionate about helping people feel confident, connected, and empowered. Through Find Your Own Passion™, I offer curated intimacy products, fun in-home parties, and peri/menopause life coaching. No matter your age or stage, my mission is simple: My passion is helping you find yours™.