Understanding Menopause: What Women Wish Men Knew

Understanding menopause begins with honest conversations and a willingness to see life through each other’s eyes. In my last two articles, we explored the importance of communication during menopause and looked at what many men wish women understood about this stage of life. Healthy relationships aren’t built on assumptions—they’re built on empathy, patience, and a genuine desire to understand one another. This time, I’d like to turn the tables and share what many women wish their partners understood as they navigate this journey together.

If I could sit down with every husband or partner whose loved one is going through menopause, here are some of the things I think many women would want them to know.

My Body Doesn’t Always Feel Like My Own 

One of the most difficult aspects of menopause is losing familiarity with your own body. For years—sometimes decades—you know how your body will react. Sleep. Exercise. Work. Stress. You get in tune with your body’s rhythms and you know how to satisfy your partner. Then one day things start changing. Out of nowhere. You may wake up tired more often. Feel too tired for sex. Find your body reacts differently to stress. Not feel comfortable in your own skin. All of a sudden you have to learn your new normal all over again…and that can be difficult for you and your partner. We’re figuring it out as we go. 

I’m Not Doing This On Purpose 

Believe it or not, no woman wakes up and says, “Hey! Today I think I’ll experience hot flushes, night sweats, brain fog, and fatigue!” These symptoms happen to us. They are not decisions. But there will be days that are harder than others.  Some days we feel great. With others we might just be trying to make it through. If you offer patience on the days we’re struggling, it means more than you know. 

Please Don’t Make Me Feel Self Conscious 

Just because menopause can change how a woman’s body looks or functions doesn’t mean we don’t care about our appearance. In fact, most women place a lot of importance on feeling attractive and confident—even during menopause. Weight can change. Hair can change. Skin can change. Clothes may not fit the same. Even the most confident woman can have moments when she looks in the mirror and wonders where the younger version of herself went.

During those moments, a sincere compliment from the person we love can mean everything.  Sometimes we simply need to know that, in your eyes, we’re still beautiful.

Intimacy Will Change For Many Couples 

Intimacy is often the first thing that changes during menopause. The truth is, intimacy will probably change.  How we feel about our bodies.  Our energy levels.  Arousal.  Comfort.  All of these aspects of intimacy can change during menopause.  That doesn’t mean we don’t love and care about you like we always have.  Quite the opposite.  It just means we need you to be patient with us while we navigate our new normal.  We may need more foreplay. We may desire more intimacy, but have less energy.  We may not want sex as often but still crave affection. Sometimes it requires a different approach altogether.

Those changes don’t signal the end of intimacy—they simply invite us to rediscover it together.

It’s ok to ask us what we need. And when in doubt, begin with touching and caressing. Pleasuring each other and sex can follow. Sometimes we just need to feel connected to you. Again, communication is key. 

I’m Not Trying to Push You Away

If I’m tired, irritable, or less interested in sex than I used to be, it doesn’t mean I’m pushing you away. Many women actually seek closer emotional connections with their partners during menopause than ever before. What may feel like rejection to you is us needing rest. What may feel like your partner no longer desires you may simply be momentary discomfort. Please don’t assume you know what we need. Ask us. And listen. Be patient with us as we navigate this new phase of life together. 

I Love You, and that Won’t Ever Change 

Menopause can change many things about us.  Our bodies.  Our hormones.  Sometimes even our moods.  Our feelings for you aren’t one of them.  I will always be the woman that makes jokes with you, even if no one else gets them. The woman that loves spending time with you.  The one that dreams of traveling, enjoying our families, and growing old with you.  Menopause is only a temporary chapter in our lives.  It won’t change how we feel about you. 

Like Always, Everything Changed in Less Than 30 Seconds 

Since menopause can come out of nowhere, these feelings can arise out of nowhere as well.  If you notice your partner exhibiting any of the behaviors above, speak up!  Talk to your partner.  Your marriage or partnership isn’t like anyone else’s.  But if we’ve learned anything from this series, it’s that opening the dialogue can help you both navigate menopause together.  Maybe it can’t all be summed up in less than 30 seconds, but starting the conversation is a great first step. 

Conversation Starters with Your Partner 

After reading this article, try asking your wife or partner the following questions: If you had to pick only one, what has surprised you the most about menopause?  Is there anything you think I might not understand about what you’re going through?  What is something I can do to make you feel more supported?  You can even reference this article if you think your partner may be uncomfortable with these questions. (“Honey, I read this article about things women wish their partners knew about menopause. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about talking about this, but I want you to know that…) Remember, sometimes the deepest and most meaningful relationships can stem from just one question.  

My Closing Thoughts on This Menopause Series 

Before we wrap up this series, I want to leave you with my final thoughts on this topic.  Menopause doesn’t have to drive a wedge between couples.  In fact, by many accounts it can actually bring couples closer than ever.  If there’s one thing I hope you took away from the last two articles, it’s that communication is vital.  But more than that, understanding your partner and approaching them with kindness is crucial.  You don’t have to have all the answers.  But showing your wife or partner you care by simply trying helps more than you know. Menopause is a journey that both you and your partner are experiencing together.  And just as we should continue to build one another up when hormones are balanced, we should continue to do so when they’re not.  At the end of the day, your goal shouldn’t just be to make it through menopause.  Your goal should be to continue building a relationship where BOTH partners feel loved, valued, and understood, and NEVER face life’s hurdles alone.

You Don’t Have to Navigate Menopause Alone

I know firsthand that menopause is one of life’s transitions for which no one gives us a manual. That’s why I’m a Certified Menopause Coach. I work with women and their partners to better understand the physical, emotional and relationship changes that can occur during this phase of life. If you or your spouse/significant other is going through menopause, you can find support. With information, practical tools, and compassionate guidance, I can help you learn how to navigate this unknown territory with more confidence, better communication, and improved connection. If that’s something you’re looking for, I’d love to join you on your journey.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Schedule a complimentary Rhythm & Renewal Discovery Call and let’s talk about how menopause coaching can help you move forward with confidence.

Miss the companion blog posts on this topic? Check here and here.